im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
