If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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