You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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