Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
