dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
