I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
