I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
