A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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