come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
