You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
