i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
