come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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