But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
