I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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