is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
