My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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