I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
