Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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