Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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