i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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