Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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