You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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