You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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