There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
