Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
