youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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