Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
