Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
