You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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