I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
