I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
