Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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