Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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