It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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