Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
