Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
