yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
