ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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