My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
