i barfeds in our rink
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sext me about skeletons
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
