you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
