I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
