I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
