Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can I color on your dick again?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
