I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
