i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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