you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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