some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
