Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
