my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
