I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Text me some of your sweat
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
