He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
